A SPECIAL MOMENT
I think of a certain special moment in my life. It did not become special to me by way of the conventional. I had not achieved any land mile, neither had I received any huge acceptance letter for one of my Poems or Stories nor had I received any bank alert. It was just a special moment surrounded by some kind of beautiful solitude, a beautiful song and a character in a book which stuck with me for it had a soul.
It was a Saturday morning and I was reading Imblo Mbue’s beautiful novel, BEHOLD THE DREAMERS, I started to feel so deeply connected to the character, Vince Edwards, the son of the wealthy family in the booK who had suddenly become disillusioned with the much ado about wealth and material wealth which surrounded his country, his parents’ life and the life they wanted for him. He had discovered truth in spirituality and decided he was going on exile to pursue it. The most touching place was a reference in the book to a place in America where Vince had watched the sun go down at sunset in such a beautiful way and had strangely made an impression on him that every other thing in life was vain but the pursuit of truth and love. It was early morning as I read and I was at the time, listening to Sia’s Confetti — something about the way the song was sang held my spirit spellbound and tied the knot with that character in the book. It made me think a lot about a particular time in my life when I was much more spiritual too and not very adamant about some of the things which I am now adamant about. Those times when I was genuinely convinced I was a good person, when my soul was at peace and there wasn’t a stray worry which could creep into my mind at any point in time and destroy my temporary peace, those days when I said my prayers regularly and had a more or less consistent relationship with my maker, those days when I could go a whole year without watching porn because many other important things in life caught my attention than sex and all that fantassy, those days when all I wanted to be in the future was a good doctor who would save lots of lives and share in people’s pains and a good father and lovely husband. I felt so nostalgic about those days.
Then I decided to do what almost became a ritual for me when I was a full time student in the university. I walked all the way from Cairo City to the school gate and took a long walk along the straight road which through the Arts faculty, through the Unizik primary school and a sidewalk flanked by numerous dogoyaro trees arranged in a straight line. The music (Sia’s Confetti) was plugged in my ears as I walked. There is something about taking a walk along that long road which unnerves me — the serenity, the beautiful solitude, how it afforded me an opportunity to think about the world anew and see every old event in my life with a new clarity. This time around, it made me think about a former life I loved through the mirror of a character in a book and in the theme of a song which I was in love with.
But it seemed such a long time ago, the former life. A life which wouldn’t have been possible if I had known so many of the things I now knew and was capable of the level of logical thought which was now my pattern of thinking. It was one of those times which I relearnt one of the advantages of not knowing a lot of things in life. For when the head knows too much, it begins to question the heart and that is usually a genesis of so much internal conflict, the kind I am currently experiencing in my life. I got to Bakassi and for the first time in a year, saw the churchyard which so much progress had been made in its building. I went inside and observed some quiet time. Inside the building, there was a kind of colourfulness in the solemn feeling which enveloped me in the house which was surrounded by the beauty of the stained glasses and portraits of Saints in the high walls. I felt it — that solemn bliss and peace in a religion I was brought up to love which I now question with my knowledge.
Walking back home later that day to continue reading my book, I felt renewed like someone strengthened by something — a blurry resolve I know I made without much clarity about it. And anytime Enya’s confetti comes on, That priceless 90 minutes of my life comes replaying. It is amazing how a moment in life could be immortalized by a good book and a good song.
